I wonder...

I wonder... On the best days, I wake up and I wonder.

When I wake up full of wonder and hope, my heart full of joy, I know it will be a good day.

When I can be surprised at the sun streaming through the window on a supposedly cloudy day, and Karmel, my lemon white beagle, snuggled up against me so hard she is almost pushing me out of bed, I wonder why am so blessed.

When I wake up knowing that I no longer have to suffer through hang-overs, upset stomach aches and multiple regrets due to too many drinks the night before.  I wonder how I am lucky enough to have discovered that I am  an alcoholic.

I remember all of the days I spent looking forward to that "nightcap" when I got home from work, and calling my children from the backyard pool asking them to bring me a "cold one" from the fridge, and I wonder how they ever made it through. I wonder, and am glad they did.

I remember getting lost at parties, and ending up with the wrong people at the wrong time. I remember flaunting my body, thinking I was all that,  using drinking as the excuse for my behavior. I remember the alcohol induced arguments, debating who was more sober and able to drive home.  I wonder how I didn't end up dead.

I wonder at how "Bill and Dave" the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous were able to come up with their unique ideas and create a culture that tells me I don't have to drink and supports me in that endeavor.

When I am able to wake up, with no regrets, no pounding head ache, not throwing up, not sleeping on the bathroom floor, I wonder how life can be so wonderful...

Now, I am able to...

Wonder at the seagulls squalling over head as I sit on my back porch.
Wonder at the hot, sweet, milky espresso in my cup.Wonder at the warmth of the sun kissing my back as I walk Karmel around the block.
Wonder at the cool damp grass wetting my toes when I walk barefoot to get the mail.
Wonder at the richness of the carnations and their perfume, on the way into the Kroger.Wonder at the hugs from my youngest son (now almost 15) as he lifts me into the air, remembering how small he used to be.
I wonder at the peace I feel in  my heart as I snuggle into my bed at night.
I wonder, and am glad.

This is a 2 weeks late entry into the "Finish the Sentence Friday".  I've been too busy lately to complete this, blessed with a job that consumed my lunch hours that I had been writing in, and blessed with a Sunday morning that I can use to catch up on my writing.  I wonder at how life works its way out, and glad to celebrate 3 years of complete sobriety as of May 2, 2015.